I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
