yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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