I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
