Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
