He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
