it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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