Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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