I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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