@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
