I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
