The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
