I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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