This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
