Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
