My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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