I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Randomize
