that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
