is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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