like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
