who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
