I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
