hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
