So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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