Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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