ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
