U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
