I'm jealous of your bromance
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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