Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
