He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
