Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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