I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
