I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
