Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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