Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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