all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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