I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
