I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
