come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
