quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
