mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
