I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
