I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
