party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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