I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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