She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
