I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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