so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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