Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
