Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
