I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
