normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
