that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
