sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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