you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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