To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
