If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
